Steps in overcoming F.E.A.R. to live the life of your dreams
F.E.A.R.: False Expectations/Experiences Appearing Real
First let me ask you this; are you excited to create the life of your dreams? Are you excited to start a business, to have your dream body, your dream job, ask your lover to marry you, whatever it is you dream about?
Then why aren’t you doing it? Why haven’t you done it yet?
Most likely you have some sort of fear surrounding the greatest things you imagine creating in your life; some reason why you think you “cant” have it. We worry we wont be good enough, we will be judged, we will make mistakes, we will be seen, we will fail, or we even fear we will succeed. We fear change and stay where we are (even if we are unhappy there) because of certainty, because your survival mechanism trains you to think that if anything changes you’re going to die. If you look upon the world as a fearful place, you are buying into a collective story, and only you can change the story as it applies to you.
Worry is a terrible use of imagination. We create and imagine terrible circumstances. Our thoughts manifest and become our reality. We are all creators in life, what you expect, you create, what you create is your reality. By the law of attraction expect life to be easy, expect people to love and respect you, expect abundance, and you will create it. Expect the worst, and you will create it too.
“The greater part of human pain is unnecessary. It is self-created as long as the unobserved mind runs your life.” ~Eckhart Tolle
All events are neutral, whether you think its good or bad, right or wrong is YOUR label that YOU attached to it. We all look through our own filter at every event that happens. Each of us needs to find our own way out of the fear-based thinking, nobody is going to do it for us.
We’ve been programmed to believe that fear is bad, and the opposite of love. The problem with this thinking is we’ve demonized fear, and when fear arises we run from whatever it is that created it. This was a wonderfully practical thing back in the caveman era. A threat to life, like an attacking bear, created fear in the amygdala in the brain; fight or flight would be triggered producing adrenalin and cortisol (stress hormones). You needed adrenalin and cortisol to give you the reaction time and energy to stay alive, and in the process of running from the bear, you would use up all the adrenalin and cortisol so that it was no longer in our system. These days, most of our perceptions of fear and threats are actually not real, and the stress hormones produced by the “False Expectations Appearing Real” (FEAR) do not get used, and stay in our bodies. You don’t need me to tell you how damaging stress can be to our bodies , but excess stress hormones are definitely makings us sick and fat.
There’s nothing to be gained by gloomily projecting future events that you have no control over. Gaining control over your own existence is the single best way to decrease general, free-floating anxiety. Do you really think that if you went all in to what you are scared of you’d spontaneously combust and die? What would REALLY happen? What is the WORST that could happen? Is that thing worse than living with regret?
Fear is a tool to be used in your tool belt, but not something that should run our lives. In truth, fear is personal and has nothing to do with external circumstances. Darlin, I’ve got some tips for you in overcoming FEAR.
- Examine your fear story carefully, ask yourself, is this real? Is this TRUE? Is this grounded or am I making this story bigger than it is? Does what I am thinking really fit the facts? What alternative possibilities are out there? Am I catastrophizing, overestimating the chances of disaster? Adopting fearful opinions about how scary the world is brings no personal growth—instead, it makes your awareness constrict. With expanded awareness, you tap into the level of the mind that actually has the power to bring about solutions. Let go of the story of how you “can’t” or how you’re a victim to some one or some thing. That is the thing that is in your way, when you let that go, you gain possibility. What would it look like if you weren’t so passionate about that story being true? What would it look like if you let that story go?
- Drop your need to feel secure all the time, and having to “know”. Drop your comfort zone and push against your edges. Fear does many things to a person, but fundamentally it makes us feel insecure. Feeling secure is a most basic perceived necessity, because without a sense of safety, the mind is preoccupied with threats instead of possibilities. What if I told you the quality of your life is directly correlated to the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably live with. How comfortably can you live with uncertainty in your business, in your relationships, in yourself, in jumping into the abyss and abundance?
- Treat fear like a call to action. Fear is a compass showing you the way to go. The thing you need to do the most is the thing that scares you the most, walk towards it. Why are you not doing the thing you are afraid of? When you take courageous action, when you tell your truth, do what you love, when you engage life in a different way, it starts to change your bio-chemistry, much like a green juice, it’s the best anti depressants on the market. Courageous heart driven action is doing things you are terrified to do.
- Reframe your fear into excitement and exhilaration. How boring would life would be without those? Run towards fear full speed with enthusiasm and passion. Lukewarm is no good.
- Don’t forget to breath. Stop what you are doing, take notice and observe your fear from a distance. Take the time to breath deeply into your belly with intention. Take a long deep breathe in and out, feel the ground beneath your feet, notice the way your clothes feel against your skin, the wind at your face. Ground yourself in the present moment. Meditation is the most important practice to bring your mind to that level. As you cultivate inner security, your personal reality will change and fear will have little or no hold upon you.
Unfortunately these steps are by no means a quick fix in saving you from fear. It will take all of your energy and resolve not to react to what your mind and ego are doing. Even when you’ve conquered these steps, you can still get lost in fear. But you’ve started the process of recognizing when you are reacting from fear rather than acting out of courage and faith. Practice this.
Take these tools and go do the hard things, make your dreams actionable.
Get out a pen and paper; write down the 5 things you’re most scared of doing. Then write down the worst possible thing that could happen if you do each of those things. What is the best-case scenario? Are you willing to take action?
Write down 2 things you could do to take grounded action steps towards those things, they should be VERY scary.
Remember, fear is a compass showing you where to go, unless you are literally in mortal danger.
Imagine a whole year of taking courageous actions; what is your life like? What is our career like? What are your relationships like? What is your bank account like?
What are you doing in this moment to stand in the truth of who you are so that you can be healthy and support yourself in love and growth? The world’s happiest people are not those who are without fear but rather those who act in spite of fear.
This week, I encourage you to take a long hard look at what is driving you, and ask yourself which you’re more committed to: your vision and your dreams or your fears?